hi there. alvin cheers.

an eventful past week indeed.

went to send leong off with some of the others.
haha... the penguin parade.
well, we havent been really talking & communicating & associating & relating in the 3++ years.
But we kinda been seeing each other quite often as of late..
Hmm... i kinda felt like i'm gonna miss him for the 2 weeks, which brings about the burden to encourage & support him, so thats why i brought myself to be present yesterday night. ha..

you know, upon spending bit more time with leong and after (sub)conscious observation, it kinda raised in me this old issue in which i strongly identify myself with, and also i can fully understand and agree with.

so there, reflecting and pondering about this in these few days.

i thought i've passed that stage already, given the environment that God has placed me in now, the church community has been placed up there in my social ladder of acceptance. i've seen a change in me over the years, the past year especially, being more willing to spend time with the church and also loving the church more and more - i've voiced out more frequently in church now , being involved more etc..
breaking the silence i'm satisfied with, or indifference that i felt to bro and sis- in christ.

you know what, i kinda felt that that happened because the better options are not readily available now.
(thepresent options are the worst, thats why church has managed to sneak itself into a high place in me now)
So truthfully, the church is the 'best of the rest' .

of course even before that there will be the 1 or 2 people whom you'll accept as likeable company, opening up that coveted place in the heart. come to think of it, are they really that close?

gosh, i miss the company that i felt so comfortable with, all emotions, all willingly and openly spent then.
which brings out the real 'me' in me.

why this double standard?
did God confiscate this bunch of people & made it out of reach to me, shutting off all other cozy options because He wanted me to have true fellowship?

i guess so, thank you Lord.
there's no other better options for me to accept other than the church now.
i'm living with it. help me Lord to stop thinking about it.