there's a time for everything

Thank God, my NS life is over. and I thank God it is. It has been a long journey, and never short of exciting twists and turns along the way. I've been through the many highs and lows, and I thank God that He's been there with me always. Really, as cliche as it may sound, but its true - I will never have made it without God.

It had been an amazing journey in NS. I'll miss the times but I will not want to relive them. I'll still be afraid to face them but I'll not forget those times. The times when I shivered in the cold, all drenched out in the forest, the times when I felt like collapsing under the weight borne by my shoulders but still I have to trudge painfully on. The times when I had to keep awake in guard duty and fight through that light floaty feeling that one gets without sleep to carry on the next day's routines. The many times when I struggled and failed as a commander and soldier, when I did things my own way without regard for any stated rules, when I just wasn't competent enough.

I'll remember the times when we perpetually teased one another, when the commanders would hop over to Bedok Food Centre at night and its one thing that I can feel privileged about in being a commander in the Battalion. The times when we lounged at the Siglap Starbucks or half priced cakes and waffles at Cafe Cartel and Gelare.

I'll miss the long bus journey to camp and back home. In a way I've enjoyed it very much, those were the times when I had my own moment by myself. I found myself in my own capsule when I can let my thoughts run freely. I'll miss stopping by City Hall. I love the papery smell of books when going into MPH. I love the dense smell of donut. I love walking about in the Basement, thinking of what I want to eat on the go. And I'll miss having coffee & peanut thick toast from Toastbox.

I've much to be thankful about. God has supported me with wonderful co-workers, a disciplined group of commanders, cooperative soldiers under my charge who've stood by me and supported me. Whatever that was lacking in one of them, another will come in to fill the gap to make up for that shortfall in standards and in manpower. I'm grateful for that. Relationships built with these guys will last I'm certain of that.

I've expended my entire set of feelings during the course of NS. Guilt when I did something wrong. Anxiety when awaiting what the consequences will be. I've been upset when I was wrong or misjudged. upset with myself when I couldn't get things right or when I'd committed mistakes. But I've got much to be happy and thankful about when I saw God's loving hands in everything.

Saying goodbye to one thing marks the beginning of another. I said a personal quiet goodbye on a rooftop in camp on a still night, on a place which I got close to the Father when I just got posted in, when I'd always felt so small but precious in God's vast expanse in all His creation, when I'd poured out all my fears and asked many 'whys' on a troubled night, when I'd seeked His comfort and solace. I would return to the very place that I'd once cried out to the Lord, and unwittingly I'd marked my beginning and the end of this journey. Standing there the last time I was awashed with thanksgivings and thoroughly convinced that the Lord cares and protects and is ever present, this time with a bright smile.

Its time to move on. To all the people that have made this journey with me, i thank you.