1 year into NS. thank the gracious Lord for bringing me through. I remember how the Psalmist David, who holds an admirable view of eternity, will praise the Lord for everything - good or bad, happy or sad - as he also waits and seek the Lord in times of hardship, because God really does care for us.

However he also realises that struggles are, and will always be around to stay. Its always coming at you, even after you have got through one, it just keeps stubbornly popping up one after another. But we should always remember that we have the Lord on our side. Now thats assuring.

Of late many unpleasant things have been happening.

I've been really hurt by a friend, and have been nursing a wound caused by what i think is regarded as misunderstanding and insensitivity, more of the first. i've never been hurt like this before. In this case, i'm certain that i've been falsely judged, wrongly accused, and maligned. So it really does punch in deep, more than just the scraping of the skin.

Anyway i couldn't do many things right, or get things to run properly on Thursday(when i was the company duty sergeant) , 2 days after i was dealt the blow. I collapsed onto my bed when the company got an early night-off, slept through dinner and didn't leave my bed until i had to when the company returned.

All the while i was waiting for an apology or at least a jovial slap on my back to provide for an opening for me to express my serious displeasure which i know will result in us being back to happy times again. More so for me and i need that kind of initiative because i've been at the receiving end of the blow which he may not even realise it, which means my anger should be appeased. it works this way right, you upset me, you should come and say sorry. thats the order.

not only did that not happen. heck the order. i found myself swallowing all my pride to actually confront him. i want to resolve this. For one thing, there came a time when i could not avoid him any longer. Because coincidentally we were rostered to do guard duty together yesterday. So for a prolonged period of time i was hoping that the issue will be raised by him, surely there is ample time -we've got the enitre night - for that to happen. If the sight of him has made my pain be felt, being alone in the office with him surely must have been agonising. Finally i could take the silence no more at 2am, and what a struggle it was to even open my mouth to stutter a few words. Shockingly he didn't even care and continued staring at the overdue copy of 8days magazine while i was demanding his attention by my quivering voice. My anger grew as he showed no interest in what i carried on to say and continued flipping the pages of the magazine and actually appeared to be reading it. 10 minutes later i knew the battle has been lost. i no longer hold an advantage as over these few days he's developed a kind of cold language towards me. i can't believe this.

i don't want this bad blood to brew into something deeper. But sadly i know now that the ball is not in my side of the court, the vibes of contempt no longer flowing a single way across to him. At least he's now aware(in case he's been clueless) that i've been really upset and hurt, and he knows the reason.

will keep this in prayer, among other things.

This webpage, which i believe has been viewed by a small group of close church friends, is no longer that private i guess. I've got no choice but to reveal this page to a couple of other guys.

have a good week ahead everyone

Vin