had a night off today! i think its given to boost our morales for tomorrow's gruelling 28km route march under the night sky. These 2 days we have nothing really physical. Except for something called Advance Obstacle Course & another called Confidence Obstacle Course. well, the experience was far from what the name actually suggests, (for the AOC) we spent hours climbing up a storey high wall and getting down the other side, all of which lasted barely a minute. As for COC conducted this morning, i can say it did involve some high elements, but was called off due to rain minutes after the first guy went.

Today we did a thorough area cleaning. basically a scrub down of the entire staying place. I went over to provide assistance to the toilet cleaners who were shorthanded, scrubing the accumulated slime off shower wall tiles and all. Now our toilets have been returned to the state that was handed over to us from the start, when my sergeant proudly said that the toilet is cleaner than that in Fullerton.

Vin

oh please

having felt so disturbed by matters pertaining to the ecclesiastical, i've decided to commit everything to God. Thankfully in the midst God has allowed for me to see the pressing needs of fellow Christians, for me to be concerned for His ministry, ultimately to present a petition before a sovereign God, who by His grace, solely, i repeat: read clearly, solely, entirely, only by and under His grace & control can anything really happen. Grace is something i've come to better appreciate by reading the DA Carson book which i've really really gained so much from its richness derived from the gospel. So i guess its divine intervention especially when i was so unsettled, i've managed to relate what the book says with my concerns.

among which. Mediocrity. Christians not bearing fruits.

Thank God He's reminded me that my strive for perfection/ or to some perfectionists, i have God's own interests in mind, for His Kingdom and glory's sake i'm concerned. Otherwise, it'll be idolatory, when deeming my service more competent than others, its self-fulfillment in all ways.

along with these concerns come underlying problems that may leave plans to curb it shackled. So we pray that God may cause His church to grow, firmly grounded in His Word, increasing in knowledge so as to be wholly God-centred. well, true revival is a work of God, so we pray and continue to pray.

earnest effort is needed, personal resolution has to be made. Christmas is chiming in soon. Very soon Pastor will draft out sermons hailing the community to make their list of great things to accomplish, what to change, in the new season to come. Some lists need not be renewed at all. well, i guess Pastor's sermon need not change as well. Procrastination has been lingering on for too long, so sickening we hold such a blase attitude about it. True, we will thank God for some happenings indeed, the mission team, South View, expansion of church, pockets of faithful Christians fervently serving the Lord and their growth. What about those branches that are barren for too long, branches that are fungi infected cause they're rejecting the nutrients from God's Word, branches that bear putrid fruits. The year will canter past, will the whole cycle of making personal resolutions which you won't stick to start again?

i really like what the Bible mention in 2Peter which really is what i wanna say to everyone. These verses i pointed out to a student who's not showing any signs of spiritual growth. Meditate on it, let the Holy Spirit tell you what to do. i won't give my commentary on the verses.

3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

its time to do something
Vin

just came back from meeting 2 guys for EBS. They are of the Normal Academic stream.

i need much more patience: in explaining the lesson to them, breaking down the jargons into simpler terms, bringing it down to their level for them to understand. boys being boys, they might be rather playful and distracted at times. So i do pray for greater teachability and God enabling them to truly appreciate whats being taught, keeping them thinking of how its in relation to their lives. May God correct their perspectives and thinking through the deliverance of the lesson. i do wanna give them the beneift of the doubt, that they're exposed to something thats totally new and unclear, and thats preventing them from absorbing a lot through the short time i have with them. i really pray that i'll address their inner questions, and having that, their interests, and not rush to complete whats on paper.

My frustations aside, My prayer indeed.
Vin

PS: can someone help me remove that rubbishy tagboard. the username is my yahoo mail, password is the name of this site.

have you become so wary of your Christian company lately? skeptism. The other day i was asking about your welfare with genuine intent, only to be given an expression of suspicion and disinterest. maybe its a case of 'you wouldn't understand'. what i fear though is a case of 'i'm not interested to tell you at all, because i don't take you seriously anymore, you've seen, shared and understood that part of my life, but now i've moved and added on to my life somethings i don't think i want you to be part or even know of. So yup, its forbidden. i will not open it up to you.' please do point out to me if there's something about me that you think i can change, lets grow by learning from one another ya? just like we've did unsuspectedly all these while. You've encouraged me in some way or another all these while, so i do thank God for you.

I do pray that we'll grow in loving God and loving God's own people.

Vin

although my will was ruthlessly crushed, its only there and then. 'Move on boy, the Lord works in ways we cannot see or comprehend there and then.' Thus, reading Job allowed me to respond in a manner pleasing to God. A sore and bitter tantrum, charged with every bit of belligerence i could muster, i would have thrown, but the peace of God, the Holy Spirit's soft prompting which somehow manages to surface out as a sharp behest in the presence of an almost complete sunken wreckage, enabled me to be joyful and give thanks, all the while rummaging through for answers to a question of 'Lord, what do You want me to learn from this?'. So i thank God for clarity of mind, thankfully i didn't end up complaining and blaming Him.

On National Day,
I bought a new CD. Dixie Chicks! yeah, i love their music simply. from last year they've been always on my playlist. i didn't know they're winner of so many Grammys until i saw the CD cover!
I went for Kenny Rogers. Oh goodness, everything there is so scrumptilisumptious.
Comprehensively, I caught up with my ex Bible Study teacher, had a great time of sharing :)

oh yeah. Finally, i caught Rush Hour 3 in a spontaneous decision made late last night with GeokLan, SuYing, huEyfen. Apparently there were some ooshy-aahshy salacious scenes that were duly trimmed by the censorship board. The movie could have been better though, was expecting more fighting scenes, simpler plot, the vicious antagonists being vilified to the fullest, which kinda makes me wanna reach out and slash them 100 times before slaining them with a good finisher. The bad guys in this show died too abruptly, too soon. Maybe Jackie's getting old.

SuYing: Secret is better than Music and Lyrics.

Ratatouille's next
Vin

SOC test:
what turned out to be a failure magically solidified into a pass, reasons unknown.
i thank God for the lessons reaped out of the 10mins of test, when all of what He wants to teach me is unfurled in that illusionary 10 mins. what a good and nice glory to have, that of self belief, achievement and fame, but dear Lord looked at my distasteful heart and did something to tame that inner rebellious smoldering spirit, He wielded a stupendous hand so loving albeit eliciting fear at immediate glance, and a paltry me couldn't even the very least have any say when He shifted me back onto the right track, just like how normal and easy it is for a girl will make a toppled figure stand again in her dollhouse. there, the figure has regained its correct position and pleasing to her eyes.

amidst the hundred of outcries of sympathies, of bewilderment, of disbelief that has left one and all utterly confounded, God allowed me to view things from His viewpoint, so i thanks. An invaluable lesson of humility and perseverance.

being 1 of the guys in the 1st detail (we were ranked in merit of time, taken from previous trial runs), the only guy from my platoon, and rubbing shoulders with the fastest in the company, i felt confident that i'll blitz the test without meeting with any outstanding obstacles. However an obstacle i just couldn't clear that time, exasperation with desperation, horror with shocking disbelief, i was close to collapsing in overwrought despair and anguish. My highly self-acclaimed strong will of mine was mercilessly crushed in convincing fashion. How ruthless it is to pry apart a rock with such ease and unwilling to let it go when its already in smaller forms of granules but to decimate it further until its reduced to a thin layer of smooth soft dusty substance on the ground. My heart that was screaming in unacceptance, ringing through my bladder which was ready to send an absolutely flawed signal for my eyes to start watering.

Vin

Surprise surprise!

i'm back at home for the night, all thanks to the my company's officer in command (OC). I weren't even supposed to come out at all for the entire weekend. I guess we earned it ourselves by our outstanding performance, according to what OC says, he mentioned that we broke a record for the most number of passes in SOC and the latest trial results rank us as the best among the entire school. So do i still consider this book-out/night off a grace?- since we deserve it? haha... anyway i'm thankful to God for this short layover at home. I don't think i can survive another 3 weeks of confinement like what i'd been through in BMT. i'll miss home too much really.

i'm one of the privileged few today who handled a brand new rifle for my live-firing today. The rifle has enhanced components and was without blemish i.e. not a single scratch, trace of carbon, sand, or hints of decolourisation... I was admiring my precious weapon, but too bad its for 1 day only. As much as i tried my very best to maintain its spotlessness, i couldnt prevent a few scratch marks from landing on the exterior and a coat of carbon in its interior at the end of the day.

haha... something silly but funny. My section commander is so excited he picked up a new piece of vocabulary which hitherto he's not heard of. We were practising some fire movement outfield this past week. Upon completion of the drill, he quizzed, 'so what do you all think of your peformance?'. i cheekily replied, 'immaculate!' well knowing our showing fell so much short of that. He jumped and upon enlightenment of its meaning, he's been using that word and when everyime he weave it into a sentence, he'll beam with pride and achievement and become all gleeful about it. haha... really funny.

Thank God for the great things He's doing in my life. I feel privileged to be a living testimony for Him. Its wonderful how God plants opportunities for me to share the gospel. Its not so much about the amount of effort put into being a good godly influence to others, but living out a life that is God-fearing, God-loving and walking in the footsteps of God, the impacts will be rippled.
tomorrow's SOC test (finally!). no pressure whatsoever. i'm doing it for the Lord.

Vin