taking heed

God has been telling me a lot. Even before i've received my posting, all these while, He's been speaking to me through various means. Sadly i've ignored those prompts. But i've come to realise that i've got to calm down, be still and listen. Letting the message sink in will make light out of my current struggles.

Romans 8
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

nothing will ever separate us from the love of God. nothing will affect our salvation. So i'm confident that i'll triumph and overcome whatever difficulties and obstacles that will arrive. God is for us, and the outcome of His divine intervention and guidance is for us to be conformed to His likeness, to be more like Him. Thats a wonderful thought - being transformed in our inner self, knowing fully well that its in accordance to His will and purpose.

whats puzzling to me, or rather, what i've failed to see is How good the Lord has been to me all these while. I've tasted the goodness of the Lord. I've experienced what its like to rely & trust in His ability, not mine. I will vigorously nod my head towards the understanding that it is entirely the Lord's credit that i'm able to reach this stage, passing all the courses. So why am I so devoid of assurance & confidence, even hope, that the Lord will continue to be there for me? Having gone through so much with the Lord, i'm ashamed to be still doubting the Lord.

over the weekend, i've done a great job of forgetting about/not thinking about my new posting. thats simply not the correct action to take. i'll end up a complete mess being caught ill prepared for things to come when i get shoved into reality again. I'll need to equip myself with the spiritual tools to face a battle ahead.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

with Christ i lead,
Vin

i'm missing the point

promoted to becoming a sergeant this evening. thank God for the glorious weather!

i've received my next posting last evening. To say the least, my heart sank, i cupped my mouth in disbelief and had to suppress the tears. i'll be heading off to Guards at Bedok Camp.

It has just gotta be tougher doesn't it. God made it so. I'll swallow that its fine. oh my goodness, i'd thought this course will mark the end of life as a trainee, enduring through field camps and everything of the same kind. Now i'll be advancing to another 5 weeks of Guards Conversion Course where the treatment is going to be worse i'm certain, training is going to be tougher i'm certain. And the people i'm going to handle! oh gosh, how am i supposed to connect with them without being trampled all over.

today's Passing Out Parade went well. I'm glad i've glorified Christ throughout the course. People coming up to me to thank me for being an encouragement to them did warm my heart. Receiving compliments about my mental tenacity when the going gets tough, of bringing along a strong heart spirited by a never-give-up attitude. All glory to God.
Come on, people think i'm indomitable and it is flattering. When i tell them i'll be going Guards with a sense of 'i can't take it anymore, i got nothing left in the tank', they're so assuring and confident i'll make it through, judging by the portion of strength i've displayed throughout this course. Strength is the word i use coz its the word that came from them. Its so general i can't even calculate how much i've used up, gave, shown in the divisions of mind, heart, will or soul.

Let me say this. I know very well i'm fickle and feeble inside, many times deficient of confidence and strength, a dastardly creature that lurks in hidden crevices within me. Oh gosh. I'm so thankful to God for filling up that bottle of potion labelled strength and flavouring it with the essence of being Christ-like and godly in whatever i do so that its scented for God. Gosh, you get it? not merely the strength to go through the rigours of training, but a sense of awareness and making effort to exert godly influence. Oh my goodness, it all requires energy and strength.

This is where weariness sets in now. i tell you what, i'm feeling it in full force. I'm human yes i am, i'm worried, scared and cowardly afraid. its difficult enough to generate strength - the strength which refers to the physical or even mental side of it, how can i still cope with caring about whether my display reveals anything about the God which (ironically) governs my life. the irony that since God has taken an instrumental role in my life, its effect will surely be felt in the stuffs i do.

i'm tired of the army. In an unchristian attempt at describing the outcome thus far, i've gotta say that luck is not on my side all these while. however we all know luck is not an appropriate word. God made it happen, and its going to be good. you know i've realised it boils down to the clash of interest. An instructor in BMTC/SISPEC will be less demanding compared to being a commander, oh man, i admit i've so wanted to become a PTI too, a huge disappointment there when i wasn't shortlisted for the interview despite being one of the fastest and fittest around. God has swiped control out of my hands again and again.

i need a good break. some time of solitude maybe. to think from God's perspective.
Psalmists always end up praising God after their lamentations, i hope to do so too and it'll happen.
i've replenished my stock of ice cream anyway.
Vin

passing out!

parade is on Friday late afternoon. together with Zack, we'll pass out as Sergeants together at the same parade! Earning the rank isn't easy really. Scaling semi mountains and traipsing past the long winding beaten track at undulating heights is no simple task.

All glory to God and praise to Him for bringing us through.

The QT i did yesterday was relevant in reminding me of how gracious God has been to me. Especially at times when i'm weak, God's strength shines through to me even more. thank God!

ok, back to camp. i came out for 3 hours to bring some things back home.

Vin

ritzy in dizzy taipei

i've just completed a long e-mail update to my friend. I'll sum up my taipei experience with this.





when everyone throng the bustling bargain markets lined with a messy colourful array of neon lightings, and when youths flock to glittering shops offering a mindblowing trendy field of anything that can be put on the human body, i stood there, unfazed by everything that comes by except those which i can literally stomach. An unappealing mass of junk i must have thought to myself.

But hey, i capitulated at the final moment, just when i was about to be the only person in the world not to scrap home a single piece of 士林 or 西门町's great bargains and to leave Taipei empty handed and be the biggest loser and failure as a tourist, i unfashionably, and defintely unconventionally, landed myself with this polo T-Shirt.

outlandish and outrageous isn't it.

No less a glitzy affair in Taipei.
Vin